Well, after knocking myself out to get the banner up and running, I feel I need a little break. So tomorrow morning I’m leaving on a
jet plane fast train for Paris for the weekend. Aaaah, French food!! Can’t wait. So it’s au revoir from me and I’ll leave you with this to amuse you for the weekend:
A London firm recently held a staff function (not a Christmas function, mind you… that’s just faaaar to un-PC these days )) and, as you do, the catering firm sent out an e-mail to everybody a few days in advance, asking if people had any specific dietary requirements. Read that last line again. Dietary requirements. I ask you to keep this in mind when you read the rest of this post. Now, when somebody asks me about dietary requirements in a mass-catering context, I assume they need to know stuff like “I need a Halaal meal” or “I am vegetarian” or “Allergic to nuts – will foam at the mouth and die, causign you great embarrassment and inconvenience”. However, this lot clearly have an inflated idea of how accommodating any catering company can possibly be – and some seemed to lose track of the “dietary” part of the question altogether.
So here, for your astonishment and your reading pleasure is a list of the actual dietary requests received in response to the caterer’s question:
- Nothing slimy
- Gluten free vegetarian meal [so far so good]; allergic to tomatoes [fair enough]; and I don’t really like peppers or raisins either [now you’re having a laugh!]
- Nothing with oysters in it [clearly you over-estimate the firm’s entertainment budget!!]
- Meat and beer
- No tripe and onions [and, erm, how often have you seen these served at large functions?]
- I don’t eat eggs as a savoury dish on their own [maybe as a sweet dish on their own??]
- No snails or frogs legs [I guess puppy dog tails would be out of the question, then?]
- I don’t like wine or beer – will only drink watermelon Bacardi Breezers
- Can I have the sauce on the side of my plate as opposed to on my food?
- I need lots of food/big appetite/lots and lots [OMG, they employ Homer Simpson?]
- I will be coming from the Bristol office [your point being...?]
- Cow’s diary free [cows keep journals?? What next - mooblogging??]
- I don’t like balloons [maybe you're just not cookign the long enough!]
And that’s all for now folks. See you next week!